MAYBE… (My loud thoughts just decided to walk on paper)

MAYBE… (My loud thoughts just decided to walk on paper)

“Maybe the world is not fair. Maybe it is. Maybe you want a lover. Maybe love will wear you out someday. Maybe you are right. Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you will be rich, maybe not.”

*I check my Facebook notification. Nii Abbey Ga Manste just sends me a message. Will reply later*

“Maybe you love that girl and not her friend. Maybe she might think you’re a dork. Maybe she knows you like her. Maybe she likes you too, but waiting. Maybe fate will bring you together someday. Maybe she will find another.”

*Hm. If only she even knew by a quarter. Thinking about …..!! I notice a typo in line one. Misspelled lover for louver. I correct that and continue typing*

“Maybe you want a good job, maybe get married and have kids. Maybe you want to live alone in a little chalet by the lake, fish and sip on red wine alone, watch the sky and count the stars alone. Maybe you want to solve the world’s problems. Maybe you are saving the world for selfish gratification. Maybe you want earthly eulogies …maybe you’ve seen how useless the world is, and want to live it at that. Maybe you want to die, maybe you want to live.”

*I lapse into mental stupor…thinking, “Can readers relate to what I am writing”. Decide on first three readers/writers to tag*

“Maybe you want to be a star…maybe you want to be the power behind the star. Maybe you wish to be on TV, maybe you don’t want to be known. Maybe there’s a heaven. Maybe there is extinction. Maybe there are angels with bright, flapping wings. Maybe your mother is your angel”

*Writers’ block. I pause to reply to Nii Abbey Ga Mantse on Facebook. He’s asking for money, or something of that sort, I ignore him. Naa Densua is on too with a more soothing line. I respond to her instead. Will be back in five minutes*

Five minutes later….
“Maybe your friends like you genuinely. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you love God. Maybe your actions say otherwise. Maybe God will pardon our transgressions. Maybe He’s wielding a big rod, ready to strike at the slightest profane thought we think. Maybe you will remain a virgin till marriage. Maybe you will lose it. Maybe your kids would be smart, maybe they will be smarter.”

*I laugh at myself and how I framed the last line. Do not wish my kids to be dumb. Another set of maybes just dawn on me; how we deceive ourselves, and cannot be honest enough to swallow the bitter together with the sweet pills. I continue…*

“Maybe you lie to yourself even in your closets. Maybe you’re not pretty, but everyone on Facebook comments favorably on your photo. Maybe they say ‘fresh girl’, ‘cute guy’…Maybe they are lying. Maybe you are not smart. Maybe you are not a good writer. Maybe you suck.”

*Pop. Diana sends a message and wants to chat. My sister wants her lunch. My mother calls and wants her walls painted. Women, is it all about what they want?*

“Maybe you will find a husband. Maybe you will be a single mother. Maybe you’ll have kids. Maybe you will adopt them. Maybe you will be a happy family. Maybe you will grow old together and play with your grandkids. Maybe you will get a divorce.”


*I imagine the number of “I refuse it in Jesus name” declarations from most spinsters…and a few bachelors*

“Maybe you will die in your sleep. Maybe you will be run over by a moving van. Maybe your friends will mourn you. Maybe they will forget about you, and be happy, as though you meant nada to them. Maybe your dream girl might never know you had eyes for her. Maybe she will never know you had wanted to marry her for keeps. Maybe you should send this piece to her, because maybe you cannot tell her what’s in there…”

*Well I think I have written enough…but I decide on a second part. Let me conclude for now*

Maybe you like this piece. Maybe you don’t. But our lives are lived on maybe’s, a lot of them…did I hear a maybe not??

“I decide not to edit or proofread. Post it raw, for the mind does not edit what inhabits it. Nii Abbey Ga Mantse is still bugging me with messages.”


Nii Moi Thompson